I remember the day I had you so clearly. The night before, we went and got Hibachi and i’m pretty sure I ate my weight in fried rice since I knew I wouldn’t be eating for a while. It was a good thing too because you didn’t want to come out of there!
“Nope…it’ll still be a while.” was like the anthem of that night.
I stayed up all night with contractions and watched the Food Network while your dad slept on the most uncomfortable pull out couch in the history of existence. In retrospect, watching the Food Network while hungry was probably not the best idea.
They gave me some medicine to help me sleep and when I woke up they made me get on my side because something was wrong. They couldn’t find your heartbeat. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
Suddenly, they were tossing your dad some scrubs and wheeling me passed him and into another room to have an emergency C-Section.
I knew I was in good hands and I was strangely calm. While doctors whizzed around my head, I watched and smiled, knowing i’d be meeting you soon and you’d be happy and healthy. I just knew you’d be. And guess what? You were!
Dad has some really awesomely gross pictures of you coming out of me. You can choose for yourself if you want to see them or not. I’m guessing not…:P
I remember hearing your first cry- it was beautiful and loud. Your dad got choked up, looked at me, and said, “He’s here”. I can literally see that moment as if it’s happening before my eyes. “He’s here”- two of my most favorite words now.
Dad snapped some photos while they were looking you over and came and showed me what you looked like. I couldn’t believe how cute you were (are)! I look back at pictures now and I can’t believe you’re so tiny. Not the big boy who’s currently laying on the rug and playing with a package of boogie wipes. Side note: When did you get SO big?! And why are you playing with those Boogie Wipes when there are like 5 Billion toys behind you?
You changed my heart- right then and right there. Not just spiritually but also in the way that made me forget all the worry and fear of becoming a mother. Suddenly, I was given this amazing responsibility and a little person to make my heart grow bigger and bigger everyday. And hopefully, I can make yours do the same.
I fall in love with you more and more each day, kid. You have no idea.
Our doctor started talking to me about Bing Crosby to keep me entertained while he took care of everything left to do. Random…but it worked and I was grateful. Plus, I have random knowledge of Bing and that seemed to impress Dr. Davis so that was pretty cool. F.Y.I.: He was a pretty terrible person…Bing Crosby…not Dr. Davis. He was a BOSS!
Dad was reading me everyone’s well wishes while we waited to hold you. Facebook and our phones were BLOWING UP!!! You popular little guy you.
They wheeled us back into other room and we tried breast feeding…you weren’t a fan. Eh…what can you do?
Everyone came and visited us. Your uncle (and the guy you were named after), Taylor, was the first one in the door. We were so happy and so in love. Everyone was. And we still are.
Your little eyes looked up at me and I breathed you in. I’ll never forget kissing the wrinkles on your fore-head when you scowled. It still makes me smile when I think about it- and I do- daily.
Our nurses kept saying, “He’s the most beautiful baby!”- They were right…even if I might be just a little biased.
But seriously, you’re a carbon copy of your daddy, so of course you’re a cutie!
I just had to pause writing this so I could take you to rock you to sleep for a little nap. I was thinking about everything I wanted to say to you:
- You cuddled up against me is something I cherish. I look forward to these moments when we can sit a snuggle together.
- You smell like Dreft baby detergent (and that smells like magic).
- Your little soft fingers curled around mine and it made my heart melt.
- I just love you more than you’ll ever know, nugget.
- You just farted…and it was epic.
Later, when you were in the nursery, dad and I got served a CRAZY amazing meal! They had steak, mashed potatoes, mozzarella sticks, chicken wings, chocolate desserts…and so much more!
You came to join us after a while and we were so thrilled to see you!
We stayed in the hospital a few days until it was FINALLY time to head home. If you’re reading this as an adult and don’t know what your going home hat is…then we have FAILED as parents!!!
We just had the best (and most exhausting) time when we all got home. Family had left meals for us and cleaned up. It was just a time where you, your daddy, your dog Willow, and I could be together and just enjoy our time.
Since dad is a teacher, he got the Summer off. It took a whole year to get pregnant with you. Were you waiting so dad could spend your first few months at the house? Sometime I wonder…smart kid.
It was the most beautiful time in my life so far. The Summer air lofted around us each day, the trees blew a cool breeze as we sipped sweet tea on the porch, and you sat in your swing in the living room and rocked back and forth while we watched you with anticipation of what you were going to do next. Beautiful- like a long book that you never want to end.
I’ll be honest, there were some days where I wasn’t sure if I was good enough to be your mother. How could someone who still feels a little like a kid herself be a mom to this little sweet baby boy? Was I cut out for such a job? Was I worthy of this amazing blessing?
Sometimes I still wonder how I got so lucky, but ultimately, I know our hearts were meant for each other. You’re my little love in life…your daddy is my big love. 😛
You are my son, my whole world, and my best little buddy. I hope you grow up loving life and living it to its fullest.
I promise to let you be a little boy and get dirty sometimes.
I promise to let you be a little wild if you want to be, but I also promise to reign you in when needed.
I promise to always protect you.
I promise we’re gonna make this life of yours one heck of a fun time!
And finally, I promise to remember these times with you as if they were happening in real time. Because these are the most precious moments we are going to have together, and they deserved to be bundled up and locked in a box for safe keeping.
This is why mommy started this blog, to share with you one day and to help other “Millennial” mom’s live out these precious moments (that sometimes aren’t so precious).
Just know this Flynn, mom and dad, we have your back.
Before I end this letter to you, I wanted to write some things down to share with you and so that I can remember them:
- You always suck on your two fingers to soothe yourself- my little self soother!
- You LOVE bath time!
- You got three tool boxes for Christmas- you’re so much like your dad already!
- You are the spitting image of daddy
- DIMPLES FOR DAYYYYYZZZZ!!!
- You give me wet sloppy kisses
- You think the curtains in your room are hilarious
- We live next to a horse stable and we see them when we leave and come home each day.
- Willow makes you laugh.
- Your crib is your happy place.
- Mom calls you “Flynnie The Pooh”.
oh…and also…marry you best friend one day. It’s amazing. Trust me.
My prediction for you:
- You’re going to be JUST like dad!
And I couldn’t be happier about it…more of the man that I love!
So, kid, that’s it. A letter from your mom. Above all else, I want you to know how loved you are. There are family members up here constantly to see you and we love it! I want you to feel love every second of you life.
My beautiful baby boy, you are everything i’ve ever wished or dreamed for. You are my heart. You are our greatest adventure.